Why I'm a Racist

It's Friday the 13th, and I've just realized 13 reasons why I'm a stinking racist!

1. I must be racist because I don't support the liberal policies that my president and democrat-majority congress are always working to cram down our throats.  Since the president happens to be black(ish), then I have to support everything he stands for in order to be an equal opportunity open-minded citizen.

2. I must be racist because I believe in prosperity and safety for my fellow Americans over soft-soap rhetoric about how we should be our brother's keeper while making real decisions that hurt minorities and the poor more than anyone else.  I heard somewhere that being a hypocrite was kind of a bad thing.  I believe in America not Victimica.

3. I must be racist because I dislike the idea of punishing the successful and middle class and using them like a blank check to fund failing programs that keep the poor stuck where they are, including the black poor.

4. I must be racist because I think it's a blessing for the people of this nation to be able to visit its country's capitol and see the history and inner workings of our great nation. I don't care if Harry Reid can smell them or not.

5. I must be racist because I don't believe that government bureaucrats living in the twilight zone can make decisions about my life better than I can.

6. I must be racist because I feel that black preachers are better from the pulpit than they are from the Oval Office. Church of Obama is still not a real denomination.  And usually they don't have their wives preaching too.  Thanks Michelle.  We all know your hubby's in control of our lives.  You can stop talking now.  Great arms, by the way.

7. I must be racist because I happen to think that Americans donate lots of money and effort to causes that really help people more effectively than government and that taxes take away from their ability and/or eagerness to do so.

8. I must be racist because I don't believe that big businesses are inherently evil. When you punish a big business (via taxation or fees to pay for government programs), you simply punish the small people that work there and the customers that buy their product.  I also believe that more blacks would be employed if not for minimum wage laws and an unhindered continuation of "stimulus".

9. I must be racist because I think that fairness means fairness. It doesn't mean protecting the rights of people who do evil things in the name of religion or personal preference while treating those who disagree like bigots. After all, by that logic, are you not also a bigot for thinking I should be just like you? Secondly, fairness means that if your liberal radio/TV program blows goats because the only thing it's good for is displaying your cool rhinestone encrusted Che t-shirt and how witty you are at regurgitating liberal groupthink, it should stay in the toilet where it belongs.  Hopefully you flush, even when it is just a single.

10. I must be a racist because I believe that aborting little black babies is worse than taking responsibility for them. Abortion (ie killing people that are weaker than you so that you don't have to care for them) is bad for our culture, the parents, and the baby. But then again, my black president doesn’t want his own daughters “punished with a baby” if they got pregnant.  So I must be racist.

11. I must be a racist because Jeremiah Wright has never invited me over to hear any of his new stand-up routine.  But I shouldn't pick on a man who is just bitter to know that if had been white, he could have been Bill Maher?

12. I must be a racist because I was taught that men have a penis and women have a vagina.  And for some reason it seems like those go together (for married people anyway).  I don't think that "gay" is a race anymore than being fat is.

13. Finally, I must be racist because our liberal media and Nancy Pelosi say so.  They can't refute items 1 thru 12 which makes them mad.  So they lie and call people racist when they really aren't.  But that's okay because it's not racist to lie.